A client asked me recently with quite visibleembarrassment: "Why do Iose erection sometimes?". I really appreciated the courage it took himto ask. This is a question that comes up quite a lotin my sessions, indicating just how common the problem is. And in fact this is something that I experiencednot too long ago with a casual lover. We got together, we jumped in bed togetherand despite mine and his efforts, his penis wouldn't get hard. This wasn't our first time together so I wasn'treally concerned because I knew that he was attracted to me.

But he on the other hand was devastated. My name is Helena Nista and I am a sex therapistand a Tantra practitioner. I make videos about great sex, legendary pleasure,about Tantra and passionate relationships. And today we're going to talk about losingerection during sex. The first thing to understand is that menput a lot of pressure on themselves around their sexual performance. They expect to get an erection each time,they expect it to be rock hard and they expect to stay rock hard until the end of the sexualexperience, until they finish. Women can add to that pressure,

expectingtheir men to always be ready, to always be erect when they are in bed together. And they can even assume (if that's not happening),that the man is just not aroused by them anymore. And men can feel that pressure. And they stress, it adds to their stress ifthe body doesn't perform as expected: if they're having a problem getting it up orif they lose the erection during the experience. The biggest enemy of long-lasting, pleasurable,intimate lovemaking is tension.

As long as you're feeling tense or anxious,you'll struggle to have blissful, wonderful, amazing sexy times with your partner or withyourself. You really need to learn to accept your bodyjust the way it is and the way it works. And when you start doing that and when youstart to love and support your body wholeheartedly, then it will pay you back with powerful arousaland strong erections. Please understand that your performance willbe affected by many different things. Maybe you're stressed by work, maybe you'reannoyed by someone or maybe you're just tired and low on energy. When for whatever reason your body isn't quitewilling or capable of producing an erection, it is very important to honour that and tostay connected to your body.

Because as long as you're trying to push yourbody to sort of deliver each time, then you're going to start experiencing resistance fromyour body, which will then stress you even more. And then the vicious cycle continues. Some men resort to using Viagra which canhelp in short term. But in long term it really drains your body. Because what happens is: when you ejaculate,you actually lose a lot of energy and nutrients that your body is producing in order to createa new life - a baby. And when your arousal builds up naturallyand slowly,

your body is replenishing these resources, which then doesn't leave you drainedafterwards. But when your arousal is caused by a pillinstead of that slow build-up, then the ejaculation still happens, you still release all of thatenergy, all these nutrients and so by using Viagra you're just going to keep depletingyour body more and more. A lot of people think that no erection meansno sex. But that's not really true. A soft penis is still a very sensitive penis,all these nerve endings are still there and can be stimulated either manually or orally,or the man himself can actually become the active person and he can give his partnersexual pleasure with his hands, his fingers, his mouth, his tongue, etc. With a bit of willingness,

a helpful partnerand some lubricant you can even enjoy intercourse without an erection, with a soft penis. When a woman is on top, she can sort of slowlyfeed the penis inside of her vagina with her fingers. And then she can move and undulate on topof her partner. So give your body a break! Learn to love it and support it. Think of your penis as a friend - when youtreat it with anger and frustration, it will start to withdraw and back away even more. And when you give it love and support it,even through any difficulties, it will actually start performing better and better, givingyou more pleasure and satisfaction. And if you'd like some practical tools andpractices to strengthen your erection, please get in touch with me. I work with people all over the world in myonline 1on1 sessions and I'd love to support you as well in creating more pleasure, funand fulfilment in your sex life. 
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